Tonight in the tree, another hunt was ruined — not by silence or weather, but by words that pierced deeper than any cold wind could. Once again, what could have been a sacred evening — a stillness shared with God’s creation — was turned into a battlefield of blame and tears. I keep asking myself why I stay, why I allow someone to talk to me like this, to twist my words, to make me doubt what I know to be true.
Maybe it’s because somewhere inside, I keep hoping that love will transform him. But tonight, I realize love doesn’t mean letting someone trample your peace.
> “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
– 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
When I read those words, I realize that what I’ve been enduring isn’t love in the way God defines it. Love isn’t calling someone names when they’re scared in a tree. Love isn’t telling someone to go to hell when they ask a simple question. Love doesn’t hang up or mock or twist emotion into weakness.
God’s design for love is peace, gentleness, and truth.
What I’ve been given is chaos, harshness, and blame.
And I can’t keep confusing the two.
Jesus said,
> “By their fruits you will know them.” (Matthew 7:16)
If the fruit of this relationship is anxiety, shame, and tears, then I have to face that it is not bearing good fruit. No amount of “but I love him” can make bad fruit good.
Still, I ask myself — why do I let this continue? Maybe because I’ve believed the lie that my worth is proven through endurance, or that I’m called to fix what’s broken in him. But even Jesus didn’t stay where hearts refused to soften. He shook the dust off His feet and moved on.
> “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs.
If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” – Matthew 7:6
My heart is a pearl — not because of perfection, but because of God’s grace. I can’t keep handing it to someone who crushes it with words.
Tonight, I feel God whispering:
> “Daughter, you are not too sensitive. You are sensing what is wrong.”
“You are not unlovable. You are longing for the love I designed you to receive.”
“You are not hard to love — you just keep offering your heart to someone who does not yet know how.”
I want to believe that I deserve gentleness. I want to remember that God never meant for me to walk on eggshells, only on His path. I want to look back someday and know that I chose peace over pain, truth over turmoil, faith over fear.
> “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:14
Maybe tonight, stillness doesn’t mean sitting in a tree waiting for a deer. Maybe it means sitting in truth — still, quiet, honest before God — and realizing it’s okay to let go of what hurts me.
