There’s a strange paradox I keep seeing play out in my life — that somehow, when I finally give up control, what I wanted most has a way of showing up. It’s like the universe, or maybe God Himself, waits until I release my grip before letting me see what was meant for me all along.
Last night, sitting in the tree with Clay waiting for deer to move, I saw this truth play out in a way I’ll never forget.
A small buck came wandering through — not a bad one, but not the kind I wanted to take. Everyone says to shoot your first deer, but I don’t know if I can ignore the ethics I’ve come to respect: letting young ones grow, waiting for the right moment, choosing patience over impulse.
He never got close enough anyway, and I wasn’t too disappointed when he moved on. But as the wind shifted, blowing our scent straight into their bedding area, both Clay and I sighed in defeat. We knew what that meant — the evening was probably over.
We sat there in silence, listening to the forest breathe. The sun sank lower, and I finally asked Clay what the plan was for rappelling down. We started learning how to rappel with a figure 8, watching a video on my phone, when I heard a rustle behind me.
I turned — and there he was. The biggest buck.
He was magnificent. My heart dropped. I couldn’t believe it — I was on my phone. By the time I got my bow ready, he’d already moved too far and hit our scent cone. One breath of our human smell and he was gone, crashing off through the trees.
Later we found out another hunter was nearby on a four-wheeler, which probably spooked him even more. Just a series of unfortunate events. But I couldn’t help thinking — of course the deer came the moment I gave up.
It’s like God wanted to remind me of something bigger than hunting: that surrender is sacred.
1. Matthew 16:24–25
“Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.’”
In giving up, we find. In losing, we gain. In letting go of control, we finally open our hands for God to give us something better.
2. Psalm 37:4–7
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.”
That’s what hunting really is — being still before the Lord and waiting. The forest teaches patience, silence, and trust. The wind changes, the animals move, plans fall apart — and still, we wait.
3. Matthew 13 – The Parable of the Sower
The seed that bears fruit is the one that falls. It gives itself up to the soil, disappears for a time, and only then brings life. I think faith is like that — you plant what you can, you wait, and then you release it.
4. Philippians 4:6–7
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
The goal isn’t to stop wanting things — it’s to hold them loosely. To want deeply but not grasp desperately. To pray, to release, to trust that what’s meant for you will still find you — even if it walks up quietly behind you while you’re learning to rappel with a figure 8.
That night, I didn’t get the deer. But maybe I got something better — the reminder that surrender doesn’t mean failure. Sometimes it’s the doorway through which grace walks in.
Maybe that’s what Jesus meant when He said that to find life, you have to lose it.