I’m back at it.
I’ve decided I’m making time for myself no matter what other demands come — climbing, journaling, running, sewing, cooking, all the things that make me feel like me. The things that pour back in when life keeps pulling out.
This morning all I could think about was how much I have to be thankful for. “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). It’s wild how much easier obedience feels when your heart is already full.
A partner who has grown so much I can’t believe it. He listens to my needs and has learned to take action to meet them. He’s learned what empty words are and how much they hurt. He’s getting closer to God and becoming a stronger protector — the kind of man Ephesians 5 talks about, one who loves like Christ loved the church, sacrificially and on purpose. I can’t wait to spend my life with him and see what we get into. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22) — and I think it has to run the other way too. He found favor when he found God, and I’m finding favor in finding him.
And then there’s this breakfast.
Seriously, look at it. You’d pay $30 for this in Denver. That bread was made with my two hands for probably pennies. The egg came out of my chicken’s butt. The way the cajun seasoning and lemon played off the egg yolk and avocado — oooooooooweeeeeeeeee. Plus sumo oranges on the side. Oh lordy. How is God so good at everything? Like — he was like, “let me put this bacteria and yeast culture in the air, and grow this wheat plant, and one day somebody is going to leave their dough on the counter too long and realize it leavens itself, and they’ll make bread.” 🤯
Whole foods. Lemon. Avocado. Egg. Wheat. Entirely separate ingredients that somehow come together as this cohesive, delicious slab of food. That’s the same God who looked at his creation and said it was good (Genesis 1). The same God who calls himself the Bread of Life (John 6:35). Even my breakfast is a sermon if I’ll slow down long enough to hear it.
My business is growing beyond what I even want. Engineering jobs are coming to me that I don’t even have the capacity for. I think I don’t see change in my life, but when I look back at who I was three years ago — how messy I felt all the time, how distant I was from myself and from God, how much I hurt people — and compare her to who I am now… totally different person. An abundance of opportunity at my door.
“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17). That verse used to feel like a poster. Now it feels like a mirror.
I got fired and thought I was too dumb to do engineering. Now I have a ridiculous workload that I’m turning down. All through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13). If only I could convince young Hannah to listen earlier — but I know she wouldn’t have. She had to walk it.
And one more thing.
My partner is going to my mom today to ask for my hand.
I don’t even know how to hold all of this in one body. Thank you, Lord. For the bread and the man and the work and the chickens and the redemption and the strength. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above” (James 1:17).
Every single one.